Fresh news

As a new study whose results are published by BBC reports, vegetarians are half as likely to develop cancer and one fifth as likely to catch the Mad Cow disease, but are four times as likely to commit suicide and develop chronic depression, in comparison to the normal people.

Mary Creedfort, an eighty-year-old lady from Brighton, says that in her long life the worst illness she’s ever had was chronic arthritis which has plagued her from her early 30s. “Not a single tumor, though. Well, not a malignant — that’s Latin for ‘bad’ — one. There was this growth I had on my neck which they had to remove — see, there is still a scar.” Looking back at her life, however, Mary says she does not have too many happy memories. Of course, this could be a result of memory loss associated with chronic stress, another problem strongly connected with long-term vegetarianism according to the new study.

In other news, Europeans are now allowed to sell ugly vegetables and fruit. Amongst the nations most welcoming the change were Ireland and Poland. French found the more relaxed standards disgusting — not only because their aesthetic feelings were insulted, but because a ban and a regulation (doesn’t really matter of what) has been lifted. “Tuh mahch fheedohm iz bed!” said Gustav, an Eiffel Tower elevator operator.